


Ugly Jumpers

by startrekkingaroundasgard



Series: 31 Days of Ficmas 2020 [30]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas Party, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Polyamory, Science Bros, Teasing, Ugly Holiday Sweaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28364241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekkingaroundasgard/pseuds/startrekkingaroundasgard
Summary: Tony convinces the reader and Bruce to wear ugly jumpers to the winter Stark Industries’ benefit.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Reader, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark/Reader, Tony Stark/Reader
Series: 31 Days of Ficmas 2020 [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035468
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Ugly Jumpers

You stood between the two men that mattered most to you in the world, a smile on your face. You were content, comfortable in your life and your choices, supported and loved. One on side, Tony flung an arm around your shoulder and pressed a kiss on your temple. On the other, Bruce looked upon you both fondly, relaxed as you had ever seen him. These were the moments you treasured between the madness that constituted your lives, brief flashes of normality among the aliens, killer robots and constant press attention.

But that wasn’t why you were smiling.

Ever since Tony had strolled into your shared bedroom wearing the dictionary definition of a horrendous Christmas jumper you hadn’t been able to wipe away the grin. It truly was dire. A 3D knitted hulk clung to his left shoulder, hanging off the neckline for dear life. The poor green creature looked somewhere between terrified and constipated, yet was somehow still a better representation of Hulk than the effigy that represented you.

Your 3D knitted goblin was hanging from the bottom hem of Tony’s jumper, your hair completely wrong and little more than a few limp strings of wool hanging from the misshapen skull, a chilling expression on your face as it depicted you in an attempt to… Reach down to his trousers? There truly was no denying that Tony’s sense of humour was wicked at times. You merely felt bad for the poor person he’d commissioned to create such a terror.

That wasn’t the worst part, though. With a shit eating grin of his own, Tony had then dropped more horrendous jumpers on your bed and declared that these were your clothes for tonight’s winter benefit. Not the wonderfully tailored, stylish, slightly uncomfortable but still stunning outfits you had had made last week. No, these were absolute monstrosities.

Bruce had, naturally, been horrified by the in-your-face design, his perhaps the gaudiest of them all with the Iron Man centric designs repeated on practically ever inch of the knitted fabric. It was three sizes too big for the man, swamping him in a potato sack of hot red and golden tinsel. An inaccurate replication of the arc reactor sat over his heart – the misplaced location perhaps even more annoying to your partner than anything else – and, heaven forbid, there were even embedded LED lights to make it shine.

Only when you’d wiped the tears from your eyes had you composed yourself enough to dare looking at yours. It absolutely did not disappoint. Like Bruce’s, your design was based on the Iron Man suit. Psychedelic in nature, the bright colours were about as far from the festive classics of red and green as you could get; it was as if 80s neon sportswear had vomited up the very worst it had to offer. Hundreds of tiny Iron Man face plates covered the front, and dozens of much larger Iron Man arses covered the back. As if it needed further decoration, there were flashing lights around every cuff and a ‘press here’ sticker indicated a sound box which you were far too sensible to press.

You hadn’t hesitated in putting it on but once the three of you stood in front of the mirror, LEDs flashing, colours clashing, there was no denying it. You looked ridiculous. “We can’t wear these tonight, Tony.”

“Of course we can. It’s a Stark benefit and last I checked I was he and we say that this isn’t going to be another dull fundraiser.”

Bruce wasn’t so easily convinced. You didn’t blame him, either. After all, Tony often spouted this weird and wonderful ideas but, where he had the absolute ability to perform to the crowds and pull them off, you and Bruce were far less inclined to put on a bright persona to get through an evening.

Rolling up the sleeves of the oversized jumper, even trying to tuck the excess fabric into his trousers in an attempt to retain a small slither of dignity, Bruce eventually gave up and looked to Tony. He didn’t even need to speak in order to raise his protests, the simple cock of his eyebrow and pinching of his nose enough to portray his meanings.

Tony rested his chin on your shoulder and pouted. Those big brown eyes were completely disarming and he knew it. It was one of his super powers, always capable of tripping you and Bruce up and blinding you by his handsome good looks. Not to be beaten so easily today, you reached round and ruffled his hair, earning a huff of annoyance, before you pushed Tony off you. “If we agree to wear these horrendous things -”

“Yes.”

“You don’t even know what I was about to ask for.”

Tony shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. You know I’d give you both whatever you asked for.”

Cupping his cheek, you turned his face towards yours and kissed him softly. When you broke apart, Bruce was watching you both, a fond smile on his face. You offered him a hand, a warmth spreading up your arm when he accepted, and squeezed it gently. “You’ve already given us everything we want, Tones.”

You stayed that way for a few moments, simply savouring the sense of peace that hung over you all. Bruce pulled back first as always, more comfortable now to be touched and held but still unable to shake the discomfort entirely. Still, he remained close, met your gaze in the mirror with a softness in his eyes, the words as clear as if he had spoken them aloud, before being swallowed by the enormous jumper as he fought to remove it.

In the midst of the fight, his glasses were knocked off his face so while Tony freed him from the ugly jumper you crouched down to collect them. You stood before him, his breath tickling your cheek as you slipped the glasses back into place. You carded your fingers lightly through his dark hair and smoothed out the madness, finishing the job with a light kiss on the cheek. A beautiful rose coloured his cheeks and you committed the image to memory, added it to the hundreds others where Bruce had let his walls down around you and shown you his heart.

Sadly, like everything, the moment had to end but as you stepped away you didn’t feel alone. You hadn’t lost anything, not when the men you loved were still right there with you.

Never able to stay still, Tony asked, “So, you’re going to wear these tonight, right?”

You looked to Bruce, who simply shrugged. There was resignation in his eyes, recognising a fight that you would never win, but also a warm amusement as he looked upon the hot red pile of shit. For all of his sensibilities, Bruce never took himself too seriously when it came to you and Tony. Taking that as your answer, you promised Tony that you would indeed wear the horrors to the benefit that evening.

Tony kissed you both on his way out, a smile so mischievous on his lips that Loki would have been impressed. You didn’t know what he was planning but he was planning something. You returned his bright wave cautiously and turned to Bruce. “Why do I get the feeling we are gonna regret this?”

“Because we absolutely are.”

—

All of your suspicions were proved correct when you stepped out of the lift later that evening, arm in arm with Bruce, into a party full of the most dazzling and glamorous people you had ever seen – none of whom were wearing ugly jumpers. You felt a wave of relief when you spotted the other Avengers donning similarly terrible outfits, each branded with their own terrible Iron Man design, which was then replaced by a deep desire to thump your love. 

Tony, dressed in his most immaculate suit, as much of an armour as any of his Iron Man suits, gave you a wave from across the room and practically skipped over to meet you and Bruce. Met with your murderous glares, Tony simply pulled you into a tight embrace and declared, “You both look stunning. Don’t be mad. It’s just some fun.”

Wiggling free, you grabbed Tony by the tie and pulled just hard enough to make him catch his breath. The entire party was watching you, curious to see how you would react, but you wouldn’t give them any other reason to stare. Calm as anything, a bewildered but relatively unfazed Bruce by your side - standing out in an ugly jumper was far better than being condemned for destruction of an entire neighbourhood - you draped your arms around Tony’s neck and brushed your lips against the shell of his ear.

“You have your fun,” you muttered, digging your fingertips into his waist, feeling slightly smug at the whimpered gasp that fell from his lips. “But we will get you back for this.”

Tony ducked out of your embrace and smoothed down his tie; hot red against the black suit was a statement, as if he could ever be anywhere without saying something. He kissed both you and Bruce sweetly as he had ever done, far more chaste than usual, and whispered, “Hit me with your best shot, darling. You know I love when you play rough.”


End file.
